The Mess

by jordanfaeh

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It’s the days when my husband is gone from sun up to sun down.

When I’m trying to recover from a sleepless weekend. When both kids seem to be teaming up against me and crying at the exact. same. time. When I skip my own dinner because I’m trying to feed two little bodies.  It’s poopy diaper after poopy diaper and laundry load after laundry load. When I’m going to wake up to a dirty kitchen even though I worked hard to clean it three separate times. It’s when I’m certain that I can’t do it all over again tomorrow.

It’s at that time that a sweet and scared little toddler cries for her mama in the middle of the night. No matter how exhausted I am, I’ll roll out of bed, wrap her in a blanket, and rock her in the dark to the low hum of the white noise machine–squeezing her tight and praising God that I’m the presence she takes comfort in. It’s the little details that make me stay. Her fingers clenched tightly around the cracker I gave her as if it’s a teddy bear and when I try to take it away she insists on eating it with heavy eyelids and a bobbing head. Her not-so-little-anymore body wrapped around me in the rocking chair. Her head nestled into my neck. And as I whisper “I love you, Penny-girl” she pops up and enthusiastically replies “why you!”

And even though I’m tired and will be up shortly with another one who needs me, I linger longer. Rubbing her back and humming just one more round of “you are my sunshine” (and one more…and one more). Until I finally set her back down as she rolls onto her tummy saying “nigh nigh!” I slide back into bed and feel so thankful it hurts.

It’s in those moments that I can keep going.

I can wake up to a new day. Whether it’s a clean kitchen or a dirty one, it’s a new day. I’ll blast my worship music, pull up my messy hair, and laugh with my girls (and cry if I need to). I’ll thank God for the fact that I don’t have to do this alone and I’ll marvel at the way He sanctifies. I’ll thank Him for showing me so much joy in the mess. In the unglamorous.

His mercies are new every morning and praise Him for that.

 

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